


Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace; A Dramatic Rewrite

by inthewakeofdawn



Series: Star Wars Rewrites [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Rewrite, Fix-It, Other, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24181852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthewakeofdawn/pseuds/inthewakeofdawn
Summary: A dramatic summary of a rewrite of Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace. This is the first instalment in a project to rewrite the Star Wars Prequel Trilogies with the benefit of hindsight and align them in quality with later developments through Revenge Of The Sith and The Clone Wars.With acknowledgements and thanks to Belated Media's What If The Star Wars Prequels Were Good Series? for the initial inspiration for this project. While I have taken some ideas presented in their rewrites, I have made some radical changes of my own.This dramatic summary is the skeleton structure of a preposed rewrite of The Phantom Menace. This hypothetical rewrite is working under the assumption that the rewritten film would still be filmed and released in 98/99, directed by George Lucas, and with largely the same cast in major roles. The removal of the Gungans, Jar Jar Binks and the Neimodians is in attempt to remove harmful stereotyping of people of colour in the portrayals of those races while the character Watto would be redesigned to avoid harmful anti-semitic stereotyping.Please enjoy, Episode II will be following shortly.
Series: Star Wars Rewrites [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745305
Kudos: 5





	Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace; A Dramatic Rewrite

A long time ago,  
in a galaxy far, far away…

A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main title, followed by  
a roll up, which crawls up into infinity.

STAR WARS

EPISODE I -   
THE PHANTOM MENACE  
It should be a time of peace for the   
Galactic Republic. Instead, conflict boils   
in the Outer Rim.

A Separatist Militia has created a blockade   
of deadly battleships surrounding the   
small planet Naboo, a show of might against   
the uncaring Republic.

Aboard her starship, Queen Amidala attempts   
to break the blockade and bring word of   
this occupation to the Republic...

And we pan down to see Naboo. Naboo is a verdant world, lush with green and blue. It is the vibrancy of life. We see the silhouettes of Separatist Battleships in the orbit, forming a blockade.

Before we have a chance to relax, a Cruiser speeds past the camera and we whip pan away from the planet to follow it. This is Amidala’s Cruiser, a Republic ship that echoes the Rebel Blockade Runner of A New Hope as it desperately races to break the Naboo blockade. Laser fire from the battleships lights up space around it, catching its shields and scorching its hull.

In the Cruiser’s bridge, the Naboo Captain orders the helm to take them to lightspeed just as a powerful explosion rocks the entire ship. The helm tells the Naboo Captain that the hyperdrive was damaged in that last barrage, they aren’t going to make the jump.

The Captain sends a transmission to the Queen’s chambers, telling her to lock the doors and send a transmission to the Republic in the hopes that they will send someone to help.

On the bridge of the Separatist’s lead battleship, Jango Fett, a disgraced Mandalorian warrior and the Captain of the Separatist Forces, watches the cruiser limp listlessly away into the black. He orders them to blast what’s left of it out of the sky.

But a voice countermands that order, a figure in the shadows. The voice tells the Captain to merely disable the ship, they can’t afford to the lose the Queen. The figure leaves the bridge as the laser cannons train on the Cruiser’s engines.

From the hanger bay of the battleship, a sleek and deadly looking ship that will come to be known as The Infiltrator departs and docks with the Naboo Cruisers as it floats in dead space.

The Cruiser’s guards and crew assemble before the ship’s airlock, each training a blaster on the heavy hull doors. This moment of tension brings to mind the arrival of Darth Vader on the Tantive IV before the telltale blade of a lightsaber slices its way through the thick door. Beat. Then the door is flung down the corridor. Two of the guards are taken out, the rest fire after a moment, but from the gaping wound in the ship’s hull comes a screeching, inhuman blur of lightsaber blades. This is Darth Maul, rage incarnate. In seconds, he is surrounded by dead men.

We cut to the bridge as a body falls to the floor and we pan up to find the body of the Captain suspended in mid-air, held there by Maul force choking him. His feet dangle above the floor of the bridge. Maul isn’t paying attention to his struggles. His eyes are closed as he searches for Amidala through the Force.

As the camera zooms in on his face, his expression darkening, we hear the Captain’s choking more and more until...

Maul’s eyes dart open. The Captain’s lifeless body falls to the floor. Maul makes an expression that’s half smirk, half snarl and turns to the leave the bridge.

In her chambers, Amidala frantically records a holomessage to send to the Republic, warning them of the Separatist invasion of Naboo. We’re looking at the room from the vantage of the holocamera, watching as Maul slices down the locked door through blue static. He lifts Amidala with a thought, pinning her against the wall.

He stalks into the room, stopping before he looks into the camera and smiles, snarling, but the image freezes and we pull out from the hologramt to see the Jedi Council of Coruscant, sitting around the projected image of Darth Maul.

The hologram is being presented by Vice-Chair of the Republic Senate, Palpatine, who is going behind Chancellor Valorum’s back to petition the Jedi to intervene while the Senate bickers on how to proceed. 

The Jedi debate. There’s a back and forth, a divide on whether its their place to intervene in a political matter without the authorisation of the Senate. Eventually, Palpatine puts the nail in the coffin: there’s no doubt here that this figure is trained in the power of the Dark Side. It’s possible we’re seeing the resurgence of the Sith. The Jedi owe it to the fate of the galaxy to investigate. 

The Jedi relent and opt to send Master Qui-Gon Jinn, who sits on the Council, and his Padawan learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Palpatine suggest that they secure their own transport, not linked to the Republic, in order to sneak past the Separatist blockage. Qui-Gon smirks, says he knows a guy.

Deep in the bowels of the planet, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan find themselves in a seedy, grease-stricken hanger full of freighters and transports. The FedEX docks of Coruscant. Loud and constantly moving, sparks flying everywhere, it’s a far cry from the serenity of the Jedi Temple a moment ago.

Owen Lars is yelling something to the ground crew, his ship is a monster of a freighter. It’s the Krayt, and it makes the Millennium Falcon look like a corvette. It’s primarily used for hauling heavy cargo, making it perfect to use for secluding personnel past a blockade, assuming they can get there under the radar.

Qui-Gon and Owen have history. There’s a playfulness to the way Owen brushes off Qui-Gon, telling him he’s not about to get caught up in another one of his schemes and that he’s still paying off the damage from that run to Dantooine. There’s some reminiscences of Han and Lando here as Qui-Gon wins him over, but Kenobi is wary; he’s the booksmart conservative who questions Jinn’s more esoteric ways.

The Krayt takes off, Palpatine watches them go from an office window. The ship exits Coruscant’s atmosphere and jumps to hyperspace.

In the freighter’s hold, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan meditate. Obi-Wan is troubled. Apprehensive. He has a bad feeling about this. Qui-Gon senses the trouble, telling him to clear his mind and to focus on his emotions, to be mindful of the present, but he just can’t.

In the archives, he’s read the tales of the old conflict between the Jedi and the Sith, the Jedi Knights of the High Republic and the Hundred Year Darkness sparked by the first exiles of the Jedi. He’s not sure he can live up to the heroes of those tales.

Qui-Gon tall him that those Jedi never thought of themselves as heroes. They were merely beings who stood for peace in the galaxy and would not cower from the darkness. It’s history that judges those acts as heroic or not.

The ship drops out of lightspeed, and Owen comms them. They appear in the cockpit of the freighter as Owen is having a back and forth with a voice on the comm. He’s trying to convince the blockade that he’s a ship deliviering relief aid from Alderaan, and eventually bluffs his way past the battleships with a roguish charm that reminds us of someone, someone we haven’t seen in…

The freighter touches down in the swamps outside the capital, Theed. Owen stays with the ship, prepping them for a quick getaway, while the Jedi sneak into the city.

Through the palace courtyard, Fett leads a procession of Amidala, her aides and the high ranking palace guard, transferring them to the holding cells. There’s a back and forth here between Fett and Amidala, who remains steadfast that these Separatists will never succeed in whatever they have planned. Fett laughs, telling her that the Republic has failed the Outer Rim systems and that they’ve been inspired by the rhetoric of the leading voice in the Separatist movement, Count Dooku, telling them that the only way the Republic will hear their voices is if they make them heard.

We see the Jedi sneak through the alleys of the city, stopping when they see the procession pass them. Obi-Wan is quick to want to rush in, but Qui-Gon stops them; they must be mindful of their surroundings and shouldn’t just rush in headstrong.

Then, Amidala nods to the Captain of the Palace Guard, Tanaka, who causes a distraction that allows Amidala to pull one of Fett’s blasters and fire upon him, downing him as the Guard attack the Separatists surrounding them.

The Jedi move in to help, knowing that they can turn the tide. They cover the Queen, explaining who they are and that they have to move. Obi-Wan begins to move with Amidala to the outskirts of the city while Qui-Gon and Panaka fight against the Separatists to guard their read.

There’s a lull in the fighting, or so it seems. Time stands still. Through the smoke and rubble, Maul steps through the carnage and locks eyes with Qui-Gon. A snarl touches his lips. Qui-Gon runs.

Panaka stays with the Guard, but they’re overrun by the Separatist forces, disarmed and captured.

The Krayt takes off and Amidala is furious that they made her leave her people behind. Owen snaps that now is not the time to argue about that as he tries to break the blockade in the opposite direction. They break the blockade, outrunning the fighters, but their hyperdrive takes a hit and begins to leak as they make the jump.

They’ll never make it to Coruscant in one jump, they’ll have to stop and refuel and repair before then. Owen suggests Tattooine, but Qui-Gon is hesitant. Obi-Wan asks why, and Qui-Gon tells them that the Republic has no power in that system, that the planet is run by the Hutt cartel. The Queen won’t be safe there.

Amidala overrules them, saying it’s their only option. In the quiet, Obi-Wan asks why Tattooine; Owen says its where he grew up.

They land outside Mos Espa spaceport, leaving their ship in the desert where it’ll be less likely to put into the Hutt’s systems, and Owen bribes the spaceport gate for quiet entry and for the Hutt’s thugs to forget they saw them.

He takes them to his home, where they meet his mother, Shmi Skywalker, and his half-brother, Anakin Skywalker. Qui-Gon takes note of Anakin a teenage boy of around fifteen, not much younger than Obi-Wan (who is 19), telling Obi-Wan to accompany him after they dismiss him to discuss their options openly without the presence of a child.

Anakin shows Obi-Wan the astromech he’s been building out of scrap parts, a little blue and white thing with a lot of attitude he calls R2-D2. He hopes to sell him off at market to make some money for him and his mother.

Meanwhile, Owen tells Qui-Gon that the Toydarian Watto is their only bet to get the parts they need - he owes Owen a favour anyway - but he’s not likely to part them easily. They’re going to have to find some way to barter.

Qui-Gon asks Shmi about Anakin’s father.She tells him that Owen’s father died when he was young and not long after, she’s met Anakin’s father: Cade Skywalker. Skywalker was a gambler and a drunk and he got in deep with Watto and it ended up costing him his life. In the end, Owen barely managed to escape the planet with his freedom, but Shmi and Anakin became indentured to Watto to repay his father’s debt.

At dinner, Anakin tells of his exploits as a podracer. It’s an extremely dangerous sport, one that few humans can compete in according to Qui-Gon. Anakin says Watto forces him to race for him to win him big money, but he busted up the racer last time and it’s unlikely Watto’ll let him race again. However, he’s built his own racer in the hopes of being sponsored by another to race.

Anakin reveals that he’s built his own podracer from scrap, but can’t race without someone to sponsor him and front the entry fee.

The next day, at Watto’s shop, Watto drives a hard bargain for the parts needed to fix the hyperdrive. Even with the favour Owen calls in, Watto refuses to part with them for the Republic credits they carry.

When Qui-Gon tries to use the Jedi Mind Trick on Watto to convince him to lower his price, he bristles and tells him that he’s not weak-minded enough to fall for Jedi trickery and that the sale is off. Obi-Wan comes to the rescue, calming Watto’s temper and suggesting a wage: roll of a chance cube for the parts or the shit.

Watto refuses, saying that a bet on a measly chance cube isn’t enough to sway him to part with such valuable merchandise, even for the ship. Qui-Gon then suggests podracing, which Watto laughs at; what could they possibly enter in the race? Anakin destroyed his last racer.

Qui-Gon says he has a racer and will put up his ship as collateral for the entry fee; Watto says they’ll split the winnings fifty-fifty. Qui-Gon counters saying that if it’s to a fifty/fifty split then Watto should put up the entry fee and if Anakin wins, Watto can keep the full winnings minus the cost of the parts they need and if Anakin loses, Watto gets the ship.

A tempting offer. Win/win. Watto accepts.

That night, Shmi argues with Qui-Gon over him putting her son in danger, but Qui-Gon argues that the fate of galaxy is at hand and they have no other option. Shmi makes some pointed jabs at the Republic and the Jedi, saying that they ruin the lives of everyone they pass through.

Anakin, meanwhile, finds Padme crying over a message from one of her aides of Naboo who says that people are dying and that the Separatists are refusing them food, only for her recording to be discovered and cut off.

Anakin comforts her, promising her that he’ll win the race so that she can get back and help her people.

Outside, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan discuss Anakin, who they both perceive as being incredibly strong in the Force and who Qui-Gon says he wants to take to Coruscant with them. Obi-Wan is surprised, surely Qui-Gon should know that the Council will never allow a boy that old to enter training, but Qui-Gon claims to feel something special in Anakin’s future and they are in a position to influence that future.

Meanwhile, in space, Maul contacts Sidious from his Infiltrator saying he’s tracked the Queen to Naboo, Sidious tells him to get the Queen back because she is an essential bargaining chip in the Separatist bid for legitimacy.

The next day, Anakin is preparing for the big race. In the mechanic bay, Obi-Wan and Padme comfort the boy, who is wracked with nerves. Obi-Wan tells him a story of an ancient Jedi hero who overcame great fear to defeat a Sith Lord which inspires him and even Padme notices the way Obi-Wan has taken to an otherwise complete stranger.

In the back of the bay, Qui-Gon and Watto discuss the bet and how Watto is so confident that Sebulba will win the race that he’s bet a large sum on him, meaning he’ll still leave with winnings on top of their ship. Qui-Gon suggest they up their original bet: that if Anakin wins, Watto gets Qui-Gons racer as well as the ship, but if Anakin wins then he and his mother is freed. Watto rejects the bet, one slave or nothing. No pod is worth two slaves. The boy, then.

Owen and Shmi arrive to talk to Anakin. Obi-Wan and Anakin give the family a moment to themselves, before they all leave to join the stands.

Anakin finally has a moment of introspective peace, calming himself with deep breaths before the bay doors open and the pods begin to move out onto the track. 

Meanwhile, Maul’s Infiltrator lands just outside the spaceport, finding the Krayt empty. He heads into the spaceport, killing the lone gate guard, and he walks the near empty streets in contrast to the bustle we saw when our heroes landed.

Speaking of our heroes, they find their seats in a private booth in the stands. The ceremony of the race is grand and much like what we see in the film. The racers are individually introduced to the audience before Gardulla the Hutt announces the beginning of the race.

Anakin’s engine stalls as the race kicks off, leaving him in the dust of the other racers. Shmi is mortified, but Owen keeps her seated as Anakin finally starts. Anakin is climbing from the back, but it’s tough going and we see the first place racer is the cutthroat Sebulba, who purposefully causes crashes of his surrounding racers.

Anakin climbs the ranks of the slowly dwindling racers, ending up in the top five by the end of lap one. As they enter lap two, the rest of the racers are eventually driven out and Anakin and Sebulba finish out lap two as the only two racers left.

The final lap is a tense fare as Sebulba repeatedly intimidates and boxes Anakin in and it becomes too much for Shmi, who is forced to leave. Owen tries to run after her, but she leaves the stands and, dejected, he returns to his seat. 

It’s a cutthroat finale as Anakin barely manages to hold on, forcing Sebulba to overexert his racer and crash as Anakin passes the final finish line.

Massive cheers erupt from the stands and our heroes celebrate together.

As Owen takes Anakin on his shoulders and lead a procession away in celebration, Qui-Gon approaches Watto for his share of the winnings. Watto is furious, saying he swindled him and to leave with his parts immediately; he’s done with Jedi business.

Later, they arrive back at the homestead, to find the door sliced open and covered in carbon burns; like that of a lightsaber.

Owen enters, to find Maul standing over Shmi’s dead body. He draws, fires, but misses as Maul charges. Obi-Wan steps in to save him, but Maul easily overpowers him before Qui-Gon engages to save him. Qui-Gon tells them to run for the ship. They do.

Maul is a ferocious fighter, and Qui-Gon can hardly keep up. Maul gloats that if this is how the proud Jedi have fallen then they stand no chance against the power of the dark side. They circle one another in the near dead streets of the spaceport.

Powerful laser blasts hit the ground separating them, coming from the Krayt as it hovers overhead. This allows Qui-Gon to escape, jumping onto the ship’s boarding ramp before it flies off.

In the ship, Owen seals the cockpit off and rages in grief. Anakin repairs the hyperdrive with the help of R2 while Padme tries to comfort him and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan meditate to debrief. Anakin enters the cockpit while Owen tries to hide his tears, telling him they’re ready to make the jump to Coruscant.

Maul contacts Sidious from the Infiltrator, telling him that the Queen is making her way to Coruscant as they speak. Sidious isn’t pleased, telling Maul to return to Naboo where they’ll settle this once and for all.

The Krayt lands on an upper level landing platform on Coruscant, much cleaner and fancier than the pit they took off from originally, where they’re met by a congregation of the Chancellor’s, including Palpatine, who immediately sweeps the Queen away and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan take Anakin to the Jedi Temple, leaving Owen alone with R2 on the platform.

Before the hearing of the Senate, Amidala and Palpatine confer about her testimony where Palpatine plants the seeds of doubt in Padme’s mind of Valorum’s ability to govern.

Meanwhile, Qui-Gon debriefs before the Jedi Council where he confirms their notion that the threat on Naboo is being orchestrated at least partially by a Sith Lord. This disturbs the Council greatly, not the least because this threat is still out there at play.

Obi-Wan sits outside with Anakin, who is nervous about being presented to the Council. Everything is moving so quickly, he doesn’t know what to do. Obi-Wan tells him to do the same thing Qui-Gon keeps telling him to do; be mindful of the present, trust your instincts. Feel the movement of the Force.

The Council tells Qui-Gon to keep close to the Queen in case the Sith continue their attack on her. Qui-Gon is hesitant to leave, telling the Council about Anakin and his suspicions that he hosts a vergence in the Force. He admits he sense a fraught future ahead of Anakin, one that could tip the balance of the Force, and that it’s the Council’s duty to ensure he tips in favour of the Light. The Council reluctantly agrees to see Anakin.

Before the Senate, Amidala brings her testimony to the Delegates and the Chancellor, but one of the Delegates of the Trade Federation objects on the grounds of no proof. The Delegates demand a committee be sent to assure the truth of Amidala’s claims before a vote can be passed on how to proceed.

Valorum falters under the pressure as Palpatine calls for order, before Amidala drops her bombshell during the rabble: a vote of no-confidence in Valorum’s rule as Chancellor. The motion picks up steam, from both sides of the divide by delegates fed up with Valorum’s lack of spine. The assembly recesses before the vote.

Before the Jedi Council, Anakin takes a test of intuition before the conversation turns to his feelings. He asks what that has to do with anything and Yoda counters everything. His feelings are right there on his sleeve, easy for each one of them to read. Thoughts of his mother. It sparks an anger in him. They dismiss him.

Palpatine comes to Amidala in confidence during the recess, but Amidala remains frustrated. Palpatine’s plan has only caused more bureaucracy, more delays. Her people continue to die. She resolves to return to the planet to free her people.

The Council informs Qui-Gon that, as suspected, Anakin will not be trained. He is too old, too emotional, too angry. Qui-Gon tries to contest their notion, asking how they cannot feel the pull of the Force around the boy. The boy is important, they have to sense it. It is up to them to ensure they are there to guide him.

However, the matter cannot be resolved now. Amidala returns to the Naboo, and the two must accompany her back to face the Sith Lord. Qui-Gon asks what will become of the boy; he will remain at the Temple for now, his future is yet to be decided.

In the bowels of the city, Owen drinks away the pain while Obi-Wan comforts him, before Qui-Gon arrives. Owen is belligerent, but Qui-Gon tells him that they’re going back to Naboo and he’ll be able to get revenge on the one who killed his mother. Obi-Wan is confused, argues that revenge is not the Jedi way, but Qui-Gon retorts that sometimes it is a necessary motivator.

The Krayt races through the blockade over Naboo, narrowly dodging laser fire, and is followed by ships as they enter the atmosphere. Obi-Wan takes the gunner chair as Padme takes co-pilot to fend off the fighters, taking them out and allowing them to land once again in the city outskirts.

Padme lays out the plan, revealing her secret messages from her captive aides. Her palace guard are being held in the palace hanger bay, including the city’s starfighter pilots. They sneak in, take out the guards posted and free the soldiers there and storm the palace.

They do exactly that, flushing out Maul in the process. As Amidala and Owen lead the guard to storm the palace while the fighter pilots take to the skies, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon prepare to face Maul. Their duel takes them into the bowels of the palace while Amidala and Owen ascend to the throne room to face the Separatist Captain.

Maul leads them into the power generator of the Palace, where a corridor of timed ray shields block the core. The three are caught and spearated by the shields. Maul stalks his prey relentless, testing the shields with the blade of his saber, while Qui-Gon meditates on the battle before him. Further down the corridor, Obi-Wan makes ready to break for the core.

Finally, the shields lower. Maul and Qui-Gon return to their duel while Obi-Wan races to make it in time. He doesn’t and is blocked by the final ray shield. In a one-on-one fight, Maul easily defeats Qui-Gon, making Obi-Wan watch as he slaughters his master.

In the throne room, Amidala and Owen’s strike team storm the Separatist forces and overwhelm them. Owen has Jango Fett at gunpoint and wants to pull the trigger to take revenge for the death of his mother and everything that has happend, but Amidala stops them. She says that the courts must decide his fate. He says Jango’s too dangerous to be left alive, that the courts will move too slow, like Amidala said earlier. But Amidala says that, yes, the courts might be slow, but they are the foundation of the Republic’s justice. To go against them, to take the law into our own hands, would be just what the Separatists want.

Spurned by the pain of losing his master, Obi-Wan rushes forward when the ray shields lower and attacks Maul in a fit of rage, channeling the anger of the dark side. He corners Maul and cuts him in half, leaving him to fall to the platform beneath them.

Obi-Wan cradles Qui-Gon’s body, who makes him promise that he must train the boy.

As the Chancellor’s ship lands in the palace courtyard, Obi-Wan and Amidala inform the newly elected Chancellor Palpatine that although they were able to capture Jango Fett and of his Separatist Force, many of them escaped the planet and, sadly, the body of the Sith Lord was never recovered. Palpatine offers that the actions of this militia will no doubt cause a larger swell of support for the Separatist movement, and that they haven’t seen the last of them.

Obi-Wan talks with Yoda in private counsel. He tells Yoda of his promise to Qui-Gon, to train the body. Yoda say that because of his actions here on Naboo, the Council have waved the trials and bestow upon him the rank of Jedi Knight. However, Yoda personally disagrees with Obi-Wan’s decision to train Anakin. And warns him to be wary of what the future holds for Anakin Skywalker.

We see celebration on Naboo, as Amidala leads a parade through the palace. We then juxtapose that to the cremation of Qui-Gon.

As Mace and Yoda discuss the appearance of a Sith Lord commenting that traditionally the Sith operate in pairs, a master and an apprentice, we see a ship arrive on Coruscant, delivering the barely living body of Maul to Darth Sidious.

We match cut a wide shot of Maul’s body being reconstructed with another of Qui-Gon’s body being cremated on the plinth before…

CREDITS

THE END


End file.
